It’s a daily occurrence for me. Everyday, often more than once a day, I go back and forth on what I should be focusing on. There was a time when I really liked it here. We had a garden. The lawn was regularly mowed. Randy and I were working really hard on cleaning this place up, inside and out. We were both thinking that we could make a pretty good life here. Although, the estate recovery issue was always looming in our minds. After about 3 years of hard work, and hoping the state would forget about this little place, it became a real issue. I have talked about this before, so I won’t go into it again. I think at some point in this process, we just gave up on staying here and making any more improvements. Every little thing that went bad became a Huge problem. (Ok, the van burning up really was a big deal.) But, even before the van incident, I had decided that any obstacle that came in the way of us staying here was some kind of sign to get out. And hey, maybe it is/was? I just don’t know. Crappy stuff happens anywhere you live.
Oh wait, it gets better. So, when the good stuff happens, and surprisingly enough, it does. Am I supposed to take that as a sign to stick it out and try to make this a better place? Here’s another one. Maybe we should be working harder on honing our off grid skills, as well as cleaning this place up. Then, when we do decide to head out, we’ll have good working skills and the place might be worth something when we can sell it. The only problem with that one is that we have to stay here another 5 years or come into a lot of money.
And there it is, I said it… Money. I know it’s not all about money. But, it sure can make things easier. You know how it goes. “If we didn’t have to spend money on this, then we could spend it on that.” “If we didn’t have to use the money to do this, then we could spend it doing that.” “If we had not spent it on this, we could have spent on that.” And so it goes. on and on.
It all makes my head spin. Or, is that the beer?
I’m sure I’ll be writing on this topic again. Because, as I said, I flip flop on this issue everyday.